Day 4

Pressing on.  This is when it gets hard.  This is when the sugar cravings kick in and I would love to eat big bowls of ice cream, hundreds of oreos, and big fat juicy cheeseburgers with french fries throughout the weekend and say "Monday I will start over." But I won't  However, I can indulge a little.  I still breastfeed.  it has advantages.  One of them being having to make sure I eat 300-500 calories than normal to maintain milk supply.  Because breastfeeding burns 300-500 calories.  Seriously.  motivation enough to keep doing it when it becomes difficult.  but I digress  SO here is a picture of me :

192 pounds

Well I should say that used to be me.  I don't even know that person anymore.  I am so different than I was almost three years ago.  That person in that picture had issues never dealt with.  That person had a food addiction.  That person was looking for satisfaction everywhere else but the one place that it can only be given.  Jesus.  That person had addiction issues that just kept switching areas.  It was not until counseling that this was realized.  I finally came to the realization instead of putting on what I needed to which is the bible and satisfaction in Him alone that I was doing it with food. You don't even realize how big you are until you see pictures.  For me the mirror just made me think I am not that heavy.Back in my early 20's I was much thinner.  I was a size 5/6.  than I gave my life to Jesus and felt convicted to quit doing some things.  Well I was putting off good things but then added food.  Chocolate tall cakes and quitting smoking will cause problems. SO I gained.  I rationalized every time I went up a dress size.  Before I knew it  I was a size 14.  Then got pregnant with my first gained the thirty pounds you are supposed to and never lost it.  I stayed a size 16 for years. So this picture started that journey.  It is when I look at pictures I realize how big I was.  the mirror fooled me and I always thought I am not that big.  pictures don't lie people. Of course there were stops along the way.  A pregnancy halted further progress but when I did get pregnant I had lost about 15 pounds so I was on track.  Then I restarted 6 weeks after Charlotte was born.  There have been stops along the way but mostly out of laziness on my part and going  back to old habits.  gaining five pounds would put me back on track but then I would go back.  This is why for the past 7 months I have been stuck at 170.  I no longer have excuses.  I have to work at it.  I always will.  even when I hit my goal, it will be work to stay there but like anything else it will be worth it and at that point I will be able to eat without counting calories because the portion servings will be so in grained in my head I will just know.  Just like with eating gluten free.  I just know 99% of the time what to eat.  For me this journey is not about being skinny, being a size 5, or being obsessed with a being a certain weight.  It is about being healthy.  For me that is what is most important.  All the other things just mentioned will happen because of that choice.